When should a parent change their child’s school?
Sunday, January 8th, 2006
When should a parent change their child’s school? What are the warning signs that the school isn’t working out, how long do they ask their child to stick it out, and what is the process once they decide?
What if the child likes the school and doesn’t want to move?
What are the problems associated with a move like this.
of course no parent wants to hvae to move his/her child. THe first time a parent begins to flirt with the thought of moving is the time to begin putting action into it. How a child feels about himself, school, learning, coupled with overall pressure on parents and the entire family. we are moving our child for next year and just in the actions taken toward that move has freed us all up in many more ways than can be expressed. If your child has any kind of learning issue and amelioration is not progressive then it is time to make the move and find an institution that can help and WANTS to help; of course other sacrifices will be made to get taht something else.
Having just done this last Jan (05) it is fresh in my mind.
Our move was after having our eldest daughter at our neighbourhood school from K to Gr.3. During this time my daughter had reading/math difficulties that were constantly brushed off (she would catch up I kept being told). She was also being bullied and this was not being dealt with either. I sent a happy, well adjusted, fun girl to school and by Gr.3 she was sad and withdrawn. She hated school and was doing poorly in class. We started private tutors in Gr. 2 - this helped some. We had her privately tested in Gr.3 and found out she was dyslexic (which I said all along!).
In my opinion if your child is happy and getting the help they need in school and at home, stay where you are. If your child is struggling and not getting helped because of budgets - find a way to get tutors and work with the LST until you are happy your child is getting all you can at school - keep them at the school if they are emotionally happy there.
IF YOUR CHILD IS UNHAPPY (ESPECIALLY IF THEY WANT TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND SAY SO REGULARLY), HATES SCHOOL, SAYS THEY’RE SICK REGULARLY, SAYS THEY HATE THEMSELVES AND SAY THEY’RE DUMB ETC. IF YOU AND THEY ARE NOT GETTING THE HELP NEEDED, IF YOUR CONCERNS ARE BRUSHED OFF AND NOT DEALT WITH - MOVE THEM.
Talk to people at other schools (friends etc) find one that fits you and your child - then move. I talked with friends and found a school were the overal philosphy was caring, and helping each child achieve there best (also bullying policy was enforced). We moved last Jan and I had a new child on my hands in 3 days! She is happy now enjoys school and her new friends - her grades are better, her actually work output is completely different (there is some!) - it is amazing. FINALLY — Trust your gut - if you are always thinking there is a problem and your child is really unhappy and struggling, do something about it. If the school your in won’t/can’t help - find one that will!
My granddaughter needs HELP. She has been diagnosed with disgraphia.Because of her normal intelligence level, schools are convinced she can succeed in a regular class room. She has been retained three times…kindergarten, second and fourth grades. Devyn didn’t pass the TAKS test. Acording to teachers, discipline is not a problem. Her problem is writing a math, especially long division. She is in Quinlan Isd., Texas. What are her options other than being retained every other year? I suspect she will have to take the TAKS test even if she gets in Special Ed. Will they retain her again?
I appreciate any help you might give. Sincerely, A very upset grandmother
well, by now I do not have any children but I have a sister that had a really bad experience when my mom decided to move her to another school.
at that time she already had her friend and after that terrible event she was really depresed by a long time………finally, she made new friends at the school but she do not trust in my mom..
I think you should change your kids of schoolo just when it absolutely necessary, because they had already made their social live there and to make new friends is not the bast idea in many cases.
Hi,
I was wondering if parents are opened up to accept that their child is LD child. But from this forum I am satisfied that parents are not rigid about this acceptance.
According to me there is no need to change the school only if the parents stop depending on the school for their child’s academic future they can certainly make a difference. There are many remedial aids available with the help of which such children can cope up with their loss. And according to me this should be achieved by staying in the same school as the child will develop confidence in him that he is no less then his friendS.
Our 15 year old is at a school that is a perfect match for his needs educationally. He is a complex learner with audio and visual proccesing delays. However the school does not offer sports and he is a gifted athlete He plays outside of school on a tennis team and soccer team. The long drives to pracice and games are managebale but he is defenitle outside of making friends as he does not attend the same school. The other issue he seems to struggle with the most is that there is no peer group for him at his school. He is very social and would fit in a mainstream setting if not for his need for a strong supportive ld instruction. We live in CT. and it seems that boarding is the only option however he does not want to board!! Any suggestions? There seems to be no schools that offer all three. Academics, Social and Athletics. Any thoughts?
Dear Kathy,
Is it possible your son is opposed to boarding because he doesn’t quite understand what a boarding school is? Many teenagers (and adults)think of a boarding school as a place for either bad kids or Rhodes scholars, or they equate it to a military school. Yes, there are boarding schools for problem kids and there are lots of military boarding schools and there are schools for highly motivated, successful students. But there are also boarding schools for LD kids like your son that provide a nuturing, supportive academic program, that have excellent sport options and where the kids are social and outgoing. You are fortunate to live in CT because there are numerous boarding possibilities around the area. And don’t think you will be sending your child away never to see him again except during holidays and summer. Boarding schools are very open to parents visiting and getting involved and encourage them to watch their children play sports or perform in theatrical productions, etc. Try to open your son’s mind and eyes to the possibilities offered at boarding school many of which are listed on this website. Good luck!
Tom O’Dell
Kathy,
Your post touches a memory nerve for me.
It may be that there really is no “perfect” solution. Chances are, no school has it all (even a boarding school that offers everything may not offer everything well).
You and your son are facing a difficult time/decision. My son went through something similar at that age. He remained at the school where he got the academic help he needed, but missed out on the kind of social stuff he craved, and sports.
We all agree that we will never know what “might have been.” He feels resentful that he had a constricted social life, and is convinced that it put him behind others socially. However, the confidence he gained academically has reduced his general anxiety and it helped him to do well in college, where he has made great friends. So…
Meanwhile, it’s great that your son wants the opportunity for more friendships, and that he has such a strength in athletics. Maybe it’s a good idea to focus on those strengths, as social adeptness can contribute to future success more than academic accomplishment.
Could he leave the “perfect match” school and supplement his academics by using a tutor/support program? This assumes he has gained skills/tools from the school that he might be ready to take with him. (Or maybe he is relatively new to the school, which would make this even harder I guess!)
These kinds of decisions are really hard, and while there is no perfect answer, I tend to think that the process of sorting this through with my son created a really worthwhile dialogue with him. After all, these issues are about his personality and his needs, and the discussion can be about more than which school will work in this moment. It can be about the nature of compromise and about how to prioritize.
For what it’s worth, I think my son is still torn about this, and would not know where to land for sure, either.
Kathy, Emily, and Tom:
I’m 56 and according to my wife, I’m successful and well adjusted. I have a learning disability that was a very large part of the beginning of my life and while I did not go to boarding school, my parents did make the decision to send me to an expensive private school with one of the first LD support programs in the country.
That meant that the kids who were my friends in the neighborhood were not in my school and it was rare that I hung out with my friends at school after school.
Was this a problem? Maybe but I’m not sure. My base of friends expanded and I’d argue (in retrospect) that the kids I met at school were better friends than the kids in my neighborhood. Either way, my parents worried about this at the time.
To this day, my 92 year old mother asks me if she did the right thing in sending me there. I reassure her that she did the right thing and I’d tell her the same no matter where she sent me.
As my wife (who teaches in a boarding school) tells me, we tend to downplay nature and put a bit too much emphasis on nurture in thinking about these things. Everyone has a complex history of experiences in his or her life, some great, some less than great and the less than great experiences tend not to break people, we find ways of making hay out of them.
So, that said, I agree with Tom that if you find a boarding school that has the right mix of support, sports, and any other things you’re looking for, it’s no doubt worth a try. If it doesn’t work out you’ll have learned something and can apply that to the next school or to which college he wants to go to.